Denying a man intimacy is a big issue. I have an ex-wife who did that to me. Alikuwa na excuses mob and made it seem like being close to me was doing me a favor. I had a policy kwamba when we had an issue, we solve it, mwenye amekosea anasema pole and we move on. Yeye sasa she used intimacy as a weapon. When I thought tumemaliza issue, napata kumbe bado hajaimaliza and any attempt to get close to her was met with an excuse.
I had legally married her and paid dowry so it seriously hurt. I got tired and swore never to ask for it from her again. I never cheated but I slowly switched off emotionally. Nikifika home, we had normal family time and tukienda bed I just slept.
After one week without touching her she started asking why I never initiated anything. I told her she could also initiate but because of pride, she didn’t. Kuongea tulikuwa tunaongea and family life looked okay, but the topic of intimacy I completely avoided.
She became suspicious and started accusing me of cheating. She believed that because I was no longer sleeping with her, I must be getting it elsewhere. I rubbished the claims and I remember one night akiwa bed she tried to touch me in an attempt to reconnect. I didn’t respond. By then all my feelings for her had vanished and been replaced by resentment.
I pushed her hand away and told her never to touch me again. The following weeks she desperately wanted us to solve the problem. I told her point blank that constantly denying me had made me lose interest completely and I didn’t think I could ever love her the same way again.
That broke her. She involved both parents trying to save the marriage but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forgive her. The attraction had completely disappeared. She cried, apologized countless times and even lost weight kutokana na stress. Nilikuwa tu najiambia, “Kumbe ulikuwa na haja ya ndoa.”
We separated and later divorced a year later.