I’m in my late 30s, and my husband just turned 40. We’ve been married for 7 years.
He’s tall, handsome, a great provider, loyal, and honestly an amazing husband. Most women would be grateful to have a man like him.
But lately, I’ve been struggling with this strange and shameful feeling: sometimes, I secretly wish he would cheat on me.
I know how crazy that sounds, and I don’t even fully understand where it’s coming from. At times, I catch myself wishing another woman desired him so badly that she tried to take him away.
I miss that thrill — the jealousy, the tension, the excitement, that fire people talk about in relationships
A few times, I even checked his phone (yes, I know it was wrong), hoping to find something suspicious. But there was nothing. No flirty messages, no hidden chats, nothing at all. And strangely enough… I felt disappointed.
It made me start questioning things.
Is there something wrong with my husband? Why doesn’t any woman seem interested in him? Why does he feel so safe, so predictable, almost too perfect?
And the scary part is that I truly love him.
Now I’m wondering if I’m just bored in my marriage… or if a part of me secretly craves drama and emotional intensity.
Or maybe this is simply my own weird way of wanting reassurance that my husband is still desirable to other women.
Either way, I feel guilty, confused, and honestly ashamed for even thinking this way.